


The Deeper the Wound, I’m Inside You

by Ladybrain86



Series: It Runs Even Deeper [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Divergence - Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Character duality, Drama & Romance, F/M, Force Bond, Kissing, Lots of dialogue, Personality disorder I guess?, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Scars, Songfic technically, Space Opera, We’re In This Together Now is a Reylo anthem fight me, Where is the Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren tag help, brief mention of sex, light daddy issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 06:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20925416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladybrain86/pseuds/Ladybrain86
Summary: Kylo Ren and Rey met through the bond a week after the Rebels narrowly escaped from Crait.Ever at odds, but unable to resist the other.





	The Deeper the Wound, I’m Inside You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, Reylos! I started this fic about a year ago and abandoned it because busy adulting etc. etc. I got some blow-to-the-gut type news at the beginning of the week and have been ~*supremely*~ depressed. Apparently this means I delve into writing again.
> 
> I intend for this to be part of a series, but I don’t know if I can call it that because I’m only planning one more part. I’m separating them instead of doing chapters because I plan on the second part being explicit. I like the idea of two “one-shots”. Readable on their own or together. It’s funny because this is so unlike me writing anything that isn’t explicit to begin with.
> 
> I am both suffering and thriving with the little Reylo tidbits we are getting from various canon sources in anticipation of TRoS. I briefly reference the conversation between Rey and Leia about Ben in this fic.
> 
> I don’t own Star Wars or NIN lyrics. Both of these items are borrowed. Thanks for reading my self-indulgent, cathartic, romantic fanfic, friends. Keep an eye out for the next part. <3

—

_The farther I fall, I’m beside you  
As lost as I get, I will find you  
The deeper the wound, I’m inside you  
Forever and ever I am a part of you_

—

Kylo Ren and Rey met through the bond a week after the Rebels narrowly escaped from Crait. 

The dwindling group were safe on the _Falcon_, currently out of hyperspace, scanning for old Rebel bases to settle. Leia was relentlessly sending out messages to any possible allies.

Rey put up a wall the moment she closed the gangway to the_ Falcon _seven days ago. It wasn’t needed. Kylo seethed alone, confused, ashamed, hurt. Tail between his legs, licking his wounds. Emotional wounds, not physical. He had come out of the battle with Snoke’s praetorian guard miraculously unscathed. The battle at Crait was much the same. But for him those emotional wounds were the ones that took longer to heal. If they did at all.

He moved into his new chambers on a mid-size First Order cruiser. They were unfamiliar to him and he felt uncomfortable. Itchy, almost. The _Supremacy_ was gone, and with it the few creature comforts he had.

He just emerged from the fresher. His hair was still damp and it chilled his scalp, neck and arms. It was night cycle, but he was restless. Agitated. He donned a loose, black sleeveless shirt and sleeping pants. He sat on the floor cross-legged, and attempted to meditate. He had to find some semblance of calm or he’d never sleep. As soon as his eyes slipped shut, he saw her face.

The scavenger girl, strong with the Force.

Rey.

She had rejected him. A red-hot, seething rage bubbled up in his chest. He clenched his jaw and let out a heavy breath. Lips pressed together, he breathed in and remembered. Tears were streaming down her face. She looked so heartbroken.

_“Don’t do this, Ben. Please don’t go this way.”_

He felt a pull from the Force. It was familiar and he tried to fight it. It eradicated his anger and filled him with the rare calm he had been seeking. He wanted to deny it, deny the Light. But he was still weak and he failed.

A hollow sound rushed around him, almost like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. He knew what would happen next. He was filled with an odd mix of dread and elation.

“...Ben?”

Her voice was soft, surprised. His eyes fluttered open and he let out a breath he was unaware he had been holding. She was standing a mere few strides away, in his chambers. 

This was the first time in almost eight days that she had let down her guard while thinking of him. He inadvertently broke through the crack in her defenses. To both of their astonishment, she didn’t try to force him away, shut him out or disconnect their bond.

He stood and approached her carefully, as he would a skittish animal. He halted once he was an arms length away and looked down at her. Her hair was half tied up, half down and she was wearing similar sleeping garb to him - in a lighter color of course - and lastly an expression of shame. 

She was ashamed she let him in. The fury washed over him again but was quelled quickly when she looked up at him forlornly.

“You left me.” It came out softer than he intended.

“I had to, Ben. You know I did.”

“Do I?” His voice was harsher this time, closer to what he wanted to emote before. He was aware of the depth of his voice and the fear it’s rumble could evoke in others. Rey frustratingly continued to prove she was immune.

“I told you, I saw your future...”

“And I saw yours!” He cut her off. “You turned and you were by my side! We were making the galaxy a better place...”

“What does that even mean to you?” She interrupted him now. This caught him off guard and he stammered. 

“I...I am the Supreme Leader of the First Order and I...”

“What does that matter?” Her voice was barely above a whisper. He couldn’t answer. He didn’t have an answer to give. Not to her. Not an honest one.

“Your future...the one I saw. I was there. We were...” She trailed off, quietly. Her cheeks began to burn and they turned a lovely shade of pink.

“Don’t, Rey...”

“Don’t what?”

The seething rage took him over again and finally he let it free.

“Stop tempting me with your Light!” He roared, loud enough he became concerned someone outside his quarters might be able to hear.

“Just like you tried to lure me into the Dark?” Her voice rose to meet his fervor. “Don’t be a hypocrite.”

He didn’t have a rebuttal for her so he just met her gaze, unwavering. Her hazel eyes belied a passion he knew all to well. He hoped his face was expressionless and for a second he missed his mask. 

“I think we were both wrong.” She broke the silence.

“About?”

“Our futures.”

She took a step forward, getting into his personal space, just like she did on the elevator mere days ago. Before everything changed. Before she set the trajectory of his life on a major tilt. Before he killed Snoke for her.

And for himself.

“We both saw a future together. But maybe we were both wrong about where we were.” She gazed up into his eyes as she said this and his breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t help but be struck by her beauty and her earnestness. What she said tempted him still but continued to frustrate him.

“You left me! How can we be together if you’re not with me?” He repeated in futility. He felt childish.

“I couldn’t stay, Ben! I gave you the same chance Han gave you. To come back. And you refused, again.” Her voice quavered with that last statement, as if it pained her to speak those words.

He grimaced at the mention of Han Solo and silently cursed her for bringing him up. Once again, Kylo’s flare of anger flickered out quickly. Guilt overwhelmed him almost immediately and a lump formed in his throat. He swallowed it down, along with his many regrets. 

Snoke’s voice resurfaced like shards of glass in his ears: _“The deed split your spirit to the bone.”_

He silenced his dead master by speaking to her again.

“What I told you still stands. Let the past die, Rey. I’ve done what I can to kill mine. So I can be free of it all.”

“That’s Dark side thinking. You’ve done all that only thinking of yourself...”

“Need I remind you that Snoke was torturing you? I benefited from his death but I killed him for you!”

She blushed again, speechless. He shocked her into silence, so he spoke again, only half-thinking before the words left his lips.

“You seem to think I deserve some kind of redemption. I committed patricide, I’ve killed Jedi, some of them children. I’ve done countless other reprehensible things under Snoke’s guidance. I have built my life as Kylo Ren, the Jedi Killer, leader of the Knights of Ren and Supreme Leader of the First Order. And here you stand, scavenger, Jedi-in-training, bound and determined to turn me. Why?” He finished, almost panting under the weight of his words.

“Because you mean something...to me, Ben Solo.” A tear slipped down her cheek as the admission passed gently through her lips. 

It was his turn to blush and he had to avert his gaze. He cleared his throat and stood to his full height, mentally preparing to meet her eyes again.

“We walk different paths of the Force, Rey.” He said flatly. Kriff, he could barely convince himself of it. He knew their destinies were intertwined.

“I don’t want to do this alone.” Rey’s voice trembled.

At this he gathered the courage to turn his dark brown eyes to meet hers. Rey was drawn in by their gentle warmth as he said, “As long as I live, you’ll never be alone.”

What she did next he almost couldn’t fathom. She raised her small hand up towards his face. She hesitated briefly, swallowing down any apprehension. Finally, after a moment that felt like eons to both of them, she touched his skin. Her fingers gently traced his scar from his eyebrow down to his neck.

She contemplated the long, angry gash, a violent reminder of their shared past. It served as tangible proof of how she marked him, changed him forever both on the surface and on the inside. Her eyes wander down to where she knows the scar ends, below the collar of his loose fitting shirt. Then, they flit over to the other scars he received that night on Starkiller. The small, pale line on his right upper arm and the gouge on his left shoulder. She knew another large crater of a scar resided on his upper left abdomen, from Chewbacca’s bowcaster.

All he had endured, just because he met her.

He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply at the contact. Unfortunately, her touch was cautious and brief. She lowered her hand as he opened his eyes again. His lips were parted invitingly and he knew that right now he looked nothing like Kylo Ren and every bit like Ben Solo. Only she could crack the shell and break him open like this.

Snoke’s voice haunted him from the void again: _“You have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo.”_

_Maybe I do._ He answered back silently, to no one.

Rey looked up at him coyly, but made perfect eye contact. Her visage was pleading for something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

Ben remembered his father silencing his mother during an argument or dispute with a kiss on more that one occasion. In fact, if he was being honest with himself, this occurred more times than he could count.

All he wanted to do was kiss Rey. It’s all he could think about, lately. He had wanted to kiss her by the fire on Ahch-To after her confession of loneliness. He had wanted to kiss her on the lift to Snoke’s throne room before the battle that changed everything for them. He pulsed again with the need to kiss her now.

And so, he did.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. He immediately thought of how foolish he was for not doing so sooner. The Force connection felt so real and solid, but he regretted not actually being there with her wherever she was. 

She didn’t strike him or recoil as he might have feared, either. In fact, she sighed sweetly and leaned into him, placing her arms on his chest. He cupped her face in his large hands and changed the angle of his lips on hers, deepening the kiss. Once again, she shocked him and opened her mouth slightly, her tongue peeking shyly through. Ben took her cue and pressed his tongue inside her mouth. 

The moment this happened, they shared another vision of their future. It came to them in snippets, micro-seconds somewhere in a different place and time.

_Her deft fingers tangled in his black hair._

_His broad hands gripped tight on her hips._

_Her lithe legs wrapped around his naked waist like a vice._

_His teeth on the shell of her ear._

Rey moaned and pulled away from the enchanting vision and the passionate kiss, panting. She was afraid of what she had just seen but equally aroused and excited. She peered up at him again, silently asking if he saw it, too. He smoldered at her in response, his chest heaving.

Kylo Ren wanted to shove her up against the wall and make their shared vision a reality. Instead he heard Ben Solo’s voice crackle low in his throat.

“Meet me on Chandrila.” His breath was soft on her flushed cheeks. “I need to see you. Really see you.”

“Ben, I...we haven’t even found a place to settle yet...” She stuttered as she struggled to regain her senses.

“Leia will find a place soon. She’s nothing if not resourceful and determined. One standard week. Come alone. Don’t fly the _Falcon_, I want us both to remain inconspicuous.”

“Where...?”

“I’ll give you coordinates in a few days. Keep the bond open.” 

She dropped her head apprehensively, worry plain on her face. He grasped her hand and pressed his thumb into her palm. He rubbed there in what he hoped was a soothing gesture.

“Rey. Promise me.” He begged her just as earnestly as he had days ago in Snoke’s throne room.

She lifted her free hand and her knuckles were feather light on his unmarred cheek. She leaned up once more to press a tender kiss to his other cheek, right onto his scar.

“I promise, Ben. I’ll be there.” She whispered against his lips. He shut his eyes as she kissed his mouth.

When he opened them, she was gone.

—

In the days following the settling salt of the battle at Crait, Rey had confessed to Leia her conflicting feelings towards her son. The erstwhile princess surmised that Ben was the only one who could save himself, but she was unsure if that’s what he truly wanted.

Rey wouldn’t be the one to save him, that much she knew was true. Her visit with him after receiving his mother’s advice only solidified that fact. But she’d be damned if she didn’t do her best to give him a good reason to want to save himself.

Maybe their future together wouldn’t be what either of them envisioned in that chilly island hut. Maybe they could make something brand new.

She was determined to find out on Chandrila.

—


End file.
